At What Price? Part Deux or Yay! Hate Mail!

Have I mentioned before, that hate mail coming from an "anonymous" source has always tickled me to death. Because usually it shelters no one from discovery and indicates a bit of guilt and cowardice. And only on rare occasions do I just delete it. Sometimes I get the ranting of someone telling me that Arnold Schwarzenegger is somehow related to Hilter and will be helping the Right Wing Nuts break into the Denver Mint and run to Canada bringing about armegedon... which is boring. But REAL hateful mail is just too good not to share.

From Anonymous (who in my opinion has done more to hurt my ex-husband's ego than I ever could by calling him stupid rather than recognizing that he is one of the most kind, loving and compassionate men I have ever met. You would be wise to remember that and be grateful everyday that you know him)

Anonymous

I can't comprehend a woman's decision to be financially dependent on men - and always looking to the next marriage for a meal ticket. But, I can also understand your pain because this lifestyle of he supporting you appears to be something that he agreed to at one point. Perhaps if you had tried to add to your own financial situation by working part-time or taking on a job that you feel may be "below you", he would feel less bitter about your sense of entitlement to his hard earned dollars. I can understand his patience in the short to medium term - but do you intend to keep him paying your way forver - as you travel, pursue relationships, have the time & energy to fall in love, dabble in your art - seriously! It must be nice! Not many women are as fortunate as you to have had someone feed and water you for this long. If you knew what it was like to work at a job and put up with everything that this entails, you may have a little greater respect for the sacrifices he has made for you. He can't afford to screw up at work, be depressed, sleep in, live on his own time -- there are too many people depending on him - its quite a load to carry, and understandable that he would become agitated once in awhile.

How long? Don't you think its been long enough? How long *should* an able bodied person support another able bodied person? How would you feel if the tables were turned - if you were the one supporting an entire separate household for him? Think about it.

Now I don't really want to rebut you line by line because, well, you have inserted yourself in a situation which you have no right to be in. And I have no obligation to explain myself to you anyhow. You knew him and his situation before you married him. You don't get to change the rules in the middle of his prior committments no matter how much conceived "right" you think you have. You have chosen to foster a sense of disention instead of embracing extended family, which by the way he has always expressed wanting, this only hurts the children in the process. It isn't about the grown ups, it never is, its only about the children, even when schedules don't go your way. The children will sense the animousity between the households now forever and you have only yourselves to blame for that.

Now to my personal life. Which is really none of your business. You know nothing about it except the side you chose to know. You know nothing about my struggles just to get through the guilt and the pain of depression and the overwhelm sense of self hatred for the events in my life. But I suppose you choose to only give compassion and kindness to those you choose to give as long as you are paid to do it. As I said in my original post, I have lived strickly to the dictates of my divorce decree. It won't last "forever" as we agreed that it was for the period of time the court and my ex husband agreed to do. I would think you would be comforted to know that he isn't the type to abandon a woman who sold her house, quit her career path, move from her birth place away from all family, gave him children, raised his children and emotionally supported him, was his sounding board and best friend for close to 10 years. I would think it would make you feel safe in knowing that he cares that much for other people. Shame on you for making him feel any different.

All of this because after scheduling Christmas in October, events in your life made that inconvenient because those in your life keep upsetting your schedule, which btw, you refuse to address. Our plans had already been set. I am done jumping through hoops to ease my guilt over coming out so late in my life.

I truly do congratulate you on your upcoming nupuals. May you live a long happy life together. Take care of him, he deserves it and so do all the children.

nina