A Promise...

I do believe I am being courted...

She has buried Saint Joseph in the yard of her home.

We are engaged...

Aren't We So Cute?

"I was born a poor black child..."

OC over at BearsMountain tagged me. Write a 6 word memoir of my life. I wasn't sure I could find that many actually. So after deep intense internal reflection I realized that cheese has always been a major player in my life. It has been there through thick chunks and thin slices. When I hated all other grown up food. When I got the munchies. And when my heart was broken. So, I would like to dedicate my memoir to my best friend and companion... Cheese!

71 hours give or take a few minutes...

Sunday~ Scrub and clean the house, work on research paper in spite of the butterflies of excitement dancing in my stomach.

Monday- Take kids to school, go shopping for delicious food to cook for her. Carefully planning to seduce her with my domesticity and feminine wiles. Go to school and try to concentrate.

Tuesday~ Take kids to school, re-do house that was trashed between Sunday and Tuesday. Try to study. Go to school and try to concentrate.

Wednesday~ Take kids to school... geez I do that a lot! Make sure the house smells clean. Burn candles, take out the trash, run willy nilly through the house spraying everything with Febreeze...even the children... damn the little buggers run fast! Go to school, watch the clock.

7pm~ Psychology... thinking about how the law of physical proximity has been changed forever by the Internet.

8pm~ Health Care Ethics ~ Beneficence and Nonmaleficence... she should be checking in right now.

9pm~ School is dismissed. She is getting settled into her seat by now. I have 2 freakin' hours... what am I going to do with 2 freakin' hours? Coffee! I'll find coffee and study! Study? Who am I kidding? I can't concentrate! I will pretend to study! I will put on my glasses and look all smart n' stuff! Act snooty to any man who looks at me sidewise.

10pm~ DAMN! It's only 10pm!

11pm~ Drive to the airport.

11:30pm~ Check flight schedule. She's on time! Run to the restroom and check my hair... ugh! I forgot! It's pulled back because of school! Oh god! I forgot I was in my scrubs too! Geez, not sexy at all!!! How do I look sexy? Stand in front of the full length mirror striking poses trying in vain to look sexy.

11:32pm~ Give up. Leave restroom defeated.

11:33pm~ Find the perfect place to stand.

11:35pm~ Find a better place to stand.

11:36pm~ Decide to sit down. I look cooler that way.

11:37pm~ Can't sit still. Stand up and find yet another place to stand. Some place easy for her to see me. I don't want her having to look around nervously. Geez, how could she miss me? I look like an over worked health care worker waiting for a kidney to be delivered in a Coleman cooler.

11:38pm~ Here they come! Damn! It's a big group! Is that her? No. Is that her? No. Damn it, where is she?

11:39pm~ Cell phone rings... she is stuck in the plane behind a family of 7 ... be there soon! ...ugh!!!

11:40pm~ Family of 7 appears, including one infant screaming for a breast and one toddler who has thrown himself on the ground. Siblings have gathered around to watch the show. Then, there she is! Skirting around the commotion. Gingerly stepping over the baby bottle that has begun to roll away from the group.

11:41pm~ Her eyes meet mine, security doors open, then the space between us seems huge! Time slows down. I forget I look stupid as I look at how beautiful this butchy woman of mine looks. I love her walk. I love her smile. Wow! Look at her hair! I need to get a gay boy hairdresser like hers....

11:41.21pm~ I kiss Gina.

Speaking of "INAS"

She started it.

She ran with it.

So I decided to search for my very own "ina". And I found it in the form of my childhood home made stuffed animal. My Nana made it for me. This is Tomasina.

Gagged and Blindfolded

The following was taken from an email I recieved tonight regarding the meeting at the Nampa Library

"We had many supporters of the right to read and free speech which helped offset the very vocal religious zealots present.

Sadly, the board voted 3 in favor and 2 opposed to the removal of the books which are to be placed in the director's office pending board review of the selection and purchase policy.

They can still be checked out at this time, however customers must now request assistance from library staff to access these books..."

Somethin's Burning

(ID)- According to several sources including KTVB and a local lesbian webring, the Nampa Public Library is currently under seige again. Local resident Randy Jackson complained about several books in the NPL collection. It seems The Joy of Gay Sex and The Joy of Sex had been keeping him up at night. It appears that Mr. Jackson has been on a life long crusade to save us from S-E-X.

As far back as June 2006 (ktvb.com)this collection has been challenged and the removal rejected by the NPL. After the decision made by the NPL to keep these books Mr Jackson said, "I believe that the library board did not have the best interests of the community in mind when they made their decision today." According to KTVB Mr. Jackson has checked out The Joy of Gay Sex and has no plans to return it... uh huh.

Title: Nampa Library Board Meeting

Date: Monday March 10, 2008
Time: 4:00 pm - 6:00 pm
Location: basement of the nampa public library
Notes: Nampa Public Library is experiencing book challenges to Joy of Sex and joy of Gay Sex

According to the ALA the TOP 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books (1990-2000)

Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Giver by Lois Lowry
It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Sex by Madonna
Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
The Goats by Brock Cole
Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
Blubber by Judy Blume
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Deenie by Judy Blume
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Native Son by Richard Wright
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Jack by A.M. Homes
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
Carrie by Stephen King
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Get Rid of Your Crazy Aunt Joan!

You know the one. The one the oldsters only whisper about? The one who never gets invited to the family reunion?

Thanks to the digital age no longer are you stuck sitting cross legged on the floor drunker than snot on a Saturday night cutting chunks out of your photos with the scissors!

Have you had a bad U-haul relationship? A painful high school memory? Now even your family tree can be altered!


POOF!





"No son, you never had a mother! You were raised by wolves until I rescued you from the forest!"

click linky below:

Clinton/Obama Ticket? Obama/Clinton Ticket?

Future Parks and Recreation Planner

Dichotomy

Now that I am in college I thought I should use bigger words...

This blog started as a private journal. It was called Reluctant Mermaid. Once I became resolute about my sexuality I chose to go "public" or some would say "internet anonymous". Either way I chose a new name for the blog.

Closer to Fine.

I was, of course, inspired by the Indigo Girls song Closer to Fine. Lately I have been struck with how differently I have come into my own "Fine". In reading my blog you will see I have poured over countless reasons and reactions. Looked under every rock, turned on every light. Looking for the how's and whys of who I am.

The song in part says:

And the less I seek my source
for some definitive
The closer I am to fine

Is it true?

Does intense inspection and surveyance yield the peace of mind I was looking for from the beginning? Or does letting go and just being content to exist without all the answers folded up like undies and tucked away neatly in a drawer?

Eh, I don't know... do you?

Either way here is the song. It makes me happy.

CLOSER TO FINE

Backpack Backpack Backpack Backpack
I'm the Backpack
Loaded up with things and nick nacs too
Anything that you might need I got inside for you.
Backpack Backpack Backpack Backpack
YEAH!

In the run up to "the big day" many people have been extremely supportive and patient with me. No one more so than my darling Gina. She sent me this really cool backpack! Inside there was every possible type of stationary supply imaginable. I have always loved stationary supplies! Empty white notebooks are da bomb! The way they sound when you fan the book for the first time. The way it smells! Brand new day planners... they lay whispering of important things to come. So neat, so clean and so full of possibilities.

My backpack came with something extra special though. It came with it's own force field. Gina says that I should keep it with me at all times and as long as I have it with me no one and nothing will be able to hurt me or discourage me. It also emits low frequency sound waves with subliminal messages of encouragement. When I turn up the volumn really loud I can hear it:

You are smart*hot sex*You are confident*hot sex*You can learn anything*hot sex*You will earn excellent grades*hot sex*You look cool in scrubs*hot sex*You are smart*hot sex*You are confident*hot sex*You can learn anything*hot sex*You will earn excellent grades*hot sex*You look cool in scrubs...

Boy do I miss my girlfriend...

Sock Monkey Scarves and Crazy Shoes

I really have nothing of consequence to say. I have been working on finishing up my Artomat project. I will send it on it's way tomorrow. Tomorrow is also my first day of school. I spent a year waiting for my life to "start" and finally I realized it was *I* who was going to have to actually start it. And I have, for better or for worse. At least it is forward.

I ran across a Christmas box underneath my bed today. I had forgotten it was under there. Inside lies a bright orange scarf with fringe and a sock monkey pattern. I hand made this monstrosity as a silly but well intentioned gift for someone who had just lost her beautiful orange scarf somewhere in Old Port while we were window shopping. It sat under my Christmas tree until the breakup and then sadly I moved it to a place that I wouldn't see it. I couldn't throw it away but I couldn't be reminded of it's existence either. Underneath the bed is the perfect place for things like that to go. It's also where I hide my 8 year old's school snacks from the teenage snack Black Hole known as Ryan. God bless him. I don't really have anything else to say about that scarf except that it didn't hurt to see it today. But I will leave it there where I won't see it for a little while longer I think.





Did you know that when you are checked into a Psychiatric Hospital they take your shoe laces? Nothing like hot pink zip ties to jazz up an outfit.





My dearest friend Carla showed me a quote by Eleanore Roosevelt which she felt we both needed to keep close to us.



"The encouraging thing is that every time you meet a situation, though you may think at the time it is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it you find that forever after you are freer than you ever were before. If you can live through that you can live through anything. You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.


You are able to say to yourself, `I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.


The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it. If you fail anywhere along the line, it will take away your confidence. You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

~Eleanor Roosevelt~
You Learn By Living (1960)

So this is for Carla:

Have mentioned lately that I am twitterpated?
Oh yes... I certainly am!

Slap Upside the Head, Eh?

I was surfing today and found this site. The cartoons are wonderful and the news and topics are interesting. It is updated Mon, Wed and Friday.

Without further ado I give you:

Slap Upside the Head

Enjoy!