Real Moms Eat Pussy

Okay sometimes even after one spills their guts onto the imaginary pages of the internet and feel that it should stand there as a monument to pain and honesty and raw emotion, there comes something else....that catches your eye....no no no.... not like the Johnny Depp pirate thing that stopped my crying over a beautiful woman in Austin.... (though just for the record...I still think of her and will regret our lost chance) no, this, this is something else entirely.... this is, no, she is, someone who is to me a very important, kind, intelligent straight chick (much to my dismay) and I am always entertained, provoked, and comforted by her very generous nature to give to us blog creatures a peek inside her mind and her heart. So even though I spilled tears and blood below....I think this belong up here because her voice resonates...

https://www2.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=20982663&postID=1787506513180340722

Edited now that life has found a moment of silence... well if you equate that horrible music coming from my son's bedroom and Sponge Bob doing some nonsense on the tv in the library. I think this exercise it one where I define what a good mom is. Well friendly blogland creatures...I have no frickin idea what that would constitute really. Perhaps it is the mother who gets up every morning and just tries over again. Day after day. Even on the days that she doesn't want to so badly that she cries before pulling herself together and waking the masses for breakfast. Perhaps trying to keep them out of street is a good trait. Perhaps letting them eat cake for breakfast during the times that cake had been dessert the night before? I still struggle with my decision to send my beautiful daughter away to live with her dad because of the drug problem she had fallen into...but people assure me a making a choice that could make her hate me forever is infinitely better than having a dead daughter. So reluctantly...I will say I was a good mom during that horrible August. I miss her desperately...maybe that also makes me a "good mom" too.

My sweet friend BA has said some very kind things about me in her meme. Things that drew tears from my never ending well of tears. Most of you don't know how long and deep our bond is. She as with several others that haunt her blog have been my champions. They may never know just how warm it was the day I finally just came out and told the lot of those suburban housewives who had known me forever as some kind of Martha Stewart wannabe that I was a lesbian and I was leaving everything that I had surrounded myself with to finally be the woman who had been living here under the radar and inside my skin for far too long. I would love to think that my children will love me for my honesty to self. Though I am sure at least for a few years there will be the "why can't you just be normal!" Or "you embarrass me!" Of course, I embarrass them now anyway.... I am never one to ignore the urge to dance to street performers or run through sprinklers or sing show tunes at the top of my lungs if the spirit moves me... so perhaps the other thing won't matter so much. Come to think of it the things I do now are so freakin gay that the world probably already suspects I am "one of them" anyway.... we are everywhere you know. And as my good friend eb says...."we don't want to take over the world...just your half."

Just realized this was supposed to be about what constitutes a good mother... and I went off on a gay tangent...hahahahaha. I just kissed my 7 and 5 year old as they left for the neighbors to ride bikes.... and they both put on helmets without even thinking! Ah HA! That is my badge of honor for today! I protected my babies heads today! I am a good mother after all!

The Scent of a Woman

Countless studies have concluded that the olfactory sense is one of the most powerful of our senses. For example: The smell of Thanksgiving turkey will always bring me back to a brownstone apartment in a now nonexistent neighborhood of Salt Lake where my grandmother would cook tirelessly all sorts of delicious food and us young and dressed in holiday best would scramble up the front stoop. The stoop made of metal that made a wonder sound underneath our driven footsteps...and then the heavy door leading to the apartment hallway. It took me so many years of yearning to be strong enough to be the one to pull it open. But regardless of who did the pulling, the smell would bathe you, permeate you. Turkey, sweet potatoes, buttered carrots, pumpkin pie and sound of Lawernce Welk and the voice of aunt and uncles behind the front door. Even now...without the smell, I am that little girl again.

Smells throughout my lifetime have stayed with me. Some are small impressions that pass with just a blink of an eye. Some more lasting. I will never smell a bottle of Cover Girl liquid makeup again without being spirited back to Disneyland and a vacation I took with my parents and my best friend Brenda. I have been known from time to time to linger in the cosmetic department and open a bottle of Cover Girl just to bring my friend back to me... to bring 13 back to me... to bring back a time when the only care in my world was if I had enough E tickets to follow the cute boys onto the Pirates of the Caribbean.. It wasn’t a life altering memory. Just a comforting one. Nonetheless, the power in the scent carries me, transforms me.

So when I begin to speak about the last 15 months it is with solemnity, humility and a great abiding gratitude for the revelation which has and will continue forever to shape me and give me permission to define the person I am without using a mold or others expectation. I have granted it a place which the smell of turkey or cover girl make up would never belong. Telling the tale of a first love is never easy. Sometimes it comes out trite and silly. Superficial and nonsensical. Perhaps my story too shall be this way to some. Perhaps even to her... but I can assure you, this wasn’t/isn’t written for anyone other than the woman whom I must face each morning as I rise and gaze at in the mirror.

I was already aware that I was a lesbian before this woman came into my life. But we were drawn to each other... hard. At first we weren’t certain why. Neither of us knew the other was a lesbian but somehow gravity of our spirits knew. How do I explain the depth of this woman in my life...in my body... my thoughts, my outlooks, she even seeped so deeply into my physic that I saw a different woman in the mirror in the morning. And our words... they were so much more than words. Each communication was that of a lover consuming her woman. Bit by bit...my secrets from old wounds were no longer afraid to come out into the light. My longings finally had a name. My body finally had a home.

I began an altered book. One that would catalog this incredible love affair. It sits packed away now for it is too raw for me to bring myself to celebrate the incredible love I have for this woman. Yet its isn’t throw away because I know that one day when the pain is more of a melancholy ache and I can smile once again at our ancient emails bantering back and forth. That I can again allow myself to open the portal to thoughts of her and bring her back to me much like the cover girl make up I will make the most fantastic love story in my altered book. Though it will always twinge. She is ingrained in me. It would be like ripping pieces from a quilt because a few squares were of material were made from a sad memory. The quilt of my life would be ruined...she is like it or not woven into the very fiber of my being.

The last time she came to see me the meeting didn’t go well. Perhaps my eyes were more open to the less than perfect situation. Perhaps her eyes too looked upon me and saw that though she loved me, of which I will never have a doubt, she knew too. Love doesn’t fix everything. She left one very sad morning. I remember writing to friend that morning early and so distraught not know where to begin or how to explain the feelings swirling around inside my body. I even saved the email because I felt it imperative that I remembered the moment. That it might be my only clarity in the days to come when I knew I would become despondant and anguished.

“and like a symbolic "fuck you" to everything that she knows fundamentally bothers me, she lit up a cigarette as she settled into the cab. The cab that she berated me about having to take because it was so early in the morning that I hesitated about having to pull my daughters out of bed to take her to the airport. I just stood there in the doorway feeling little pieces of different roles. A wife watching her husband go off to war. A heartless bitch. A broken puppy. A person who was the lone survivor of a plane wreck. I dunno... I feel emotionally spun around like a top... “

I remembering closing the door and just standing there looking at the damn door. Not knowing what next. I was tired, I had children to awaken and feed and to get off to school. I was on autopilot. I remember trying to read a book to my baby before she left for school that morning and in the middle of it I began sobbing. I apologized to her...made sure she knew my tears were not her responsibility and I piled them into the car. I came home to a house that seems ridiculous really. Everywhere I looked I realized I had been building this home for the day that she and I would be “foreverly coupled” and my hopes and projects, my decorating style, even my fucking fridge was full of “her” food. Which I just stared at not knowing what to do with it.

Then I slowly walked into my bed room. There laying on the floor was her scarf that she wore constantly around her beautiful neck. I dropped to my knees. A kin to a starving deer digging for the first green grass peeking up through the spring snow. I grabbed it and buried my face in it. Even now the tears that fall from my eyes as I tell this betray me. It smelled like her. Every inch of it smelled like her. Then I remembered the pillow she had slept with between her legs to keep her back in line and I began frantically looking for it. I then crawled into the bed which also smelled like our love making and buried my face into these everything. And cried. I cried for hours. I cried for days. Who am I kidding, I am crying now.

She wants her scarf back. She says it reminds her of new york and friends she knew there. I can respect that. I am not the type to keep things from people. I don’t pull the passive aggressive shit. But her scarf, it still smells of her.... of her sweat, of her lotion, of her hair, of her....of her....the woman woven into the fabric of my life. I find myself wearing it and fondling it. I bring it up to my face and breathe her in... and for a moment we are the couple who witnessed a monumental change in my life. We are that couple who made love with the Boston sunlight streaming through the windows. The couple who began making plans for “someday”. She was my witness. My confidant, my validation. Her voice soothed my soul and made me feel I could be everything I wanted to be. She showed me in so many ways that I already was. In one instant, one breath of her scarf and I feel safe and remember a love I will never know again. A face I will never see again. A kiss. A voice. But in an instant, she is there right in front of me. Almost within reach of my fingertips...

Of course, I will send it back to her. She didn’t mean to leave me such a memento. It holds an entirely different set of memories for her and her life’s history. I don’t keep things that do not belong to me. But I hope she will be patient with me. I am still breathing her in. I can’t let go of her scent. Not yet, please...not yet.





edited: I finished writing this at 4am. It is full of misspellings and poor sentence structure. But I have decided that we will all just have to live with it as going back now through it to clean it up would be too hard for me to bear. This is how it flowed from me. I imagine my dear blogger friends will overlook the typos and understand.

Nina's Neighborhood Bistro...drop in sometime for coffee...

Okay so I know it doesn't look like much right now. You all have to put your imagination caps on and bear with me. This is the front of my house. It is also the only part of my yard that gets almost no sun. Unless you count all my windows which also gets no direct sun. (That my friends is a pisser. Its like a cave in there. It irritates me to have to turn a light on in the middle of the day.) But I digress. My backyard is not landscaped yet. There are no trees to cast any kind of shadows so summer is going to be a bitch for a few years. But I realized that my front porch will have shade. I started imagining how nice it would be to sit out there in the summer drinking lemonade (as far as you could tell anyway) and enjoying the summer breezes or the evening stars. As it stands now though the space just doesn't exist. So began my makeover to my bland "everybody's house looks like everybody elses house" front porch.

The plans for this space include digging out the plants in the garden spot and laying flag stone of the same color as in the house siding. Taking down the white fence to open up the space. Buying a small table and chairs. Add 3 tall silk potted plants that will go in the front of the space to provide a bit of privacy for the table. I am also going to buy a projector so that friends can come over and watch a movies on warm evenings on the big expanse of wall you see there.

Today was seductively warm and I heard the project start to call me. So with a brand new shovel and a little help from my son I have begun my first custom project to help make this house my home.

Girl and her shovel:


My son jumping at the shot to use power tools:


The end of phase one (almost) I need a torque wrench to get the bolts out of the cement... plants are gone, fence is gone... next comes toting home massive amounts of flag stone...



And I leave you with this picture of me lovin on my gardening tools... you have no idea how nice it was to get my hands in the dirt today.

Butch Role Models...

Where the hell are they? Everywhere I look I am met with shows such as the L Word and so called "lesbian porn" full of Buffy and Heather types. But nowhere do I find realistic looking butch lesbians. Now I know some of you might say that Shane from the L Word is butch. And I will agree to a point. But even she is glamed up in order to make the public at large more comfortable with the whole lesbian thing. I know shows such as the L Word are considered by most to be ground breaking and positive. But I can't help but find it to be just another example of lesbians only being accepted if they are easy to look at. About the only time I have seen butch looking women on the show are as extras such as the cruise the girl gang took a season or two ago. Now I am not knockin the L Word. I watch it every chance I get. After all, purdy lesbians are better than no lesbians at all.

Once a long time ago I belonged to a online community full of very intelligent and savvy men and women. They had an adult themed board in the community always filled with erotic photos. Some of their favorites would be girl on girl poses. Most of the time posted by the women there along with the obligatory "even *I* would do her" comment which was irritating as hell too but that's another post for another day. The pictures, always tall thin barbie dolls looking like mirror images of each other in positions that were camera friendly but uncomfortable and not condusive to real love making. Being one of only 2 lesbians on the board I decided to find and post pictures of more realistic erotica in order to educate and inform the masses. The first thing I found out is that you really have to dig to find anything close to what I was looking for. Thank God for Tee A Corrine and Jill Posener. The second thing I came to realize is that people are uncomfortable looking at normal looking women in intimate positions. Some were actually appalled and called them "gross". Even though I tried to explain that the lesbian sex they were accustom to seeing wasn't real, they were not ready or willing to accept the photos as erotic or tasteful. Nor did it seem they comfortable with the butch/femme dynamic. Some even flew into a panic when I offered up some artsy pictures I had taken of myself and my then partner. Mind you... we weren't in any pictures where we were undressed or in any sort of "act". But again, I am not a vixen-ish Buffy or Heather and my partner although beautiful as the day is long, was definitely butch.

Its a pity society cannot see the beauty which lies in reality. Of course, butch lesbians aren't the only ones who suffer from the bias. Women, no matter their orientation are marginalized by standards set by those who have a narrow window of acceptance. I find it a sad irony that I am surrounded by pictures of flawless women and yet my eyes yearn to see real beauty.

The First Ten......

I googled my name + "needs" and this is the first ten hits.... lordy


1. Nina needs a home... I am sure by home it means "the arms of a gorgeous woman"....right?

2. Nina needs to interact more with her audience. Duly noted...more responses to comments...

3. Nina loves Ginger, Nina Needs to go Baba Nina Needs to go Baba. Nina and Tiana Nina and Tiana.... god I had to fight not to click this link...

4. When Nina’s efforts at the sanatorium fail to console her, Doctor Darrell realises that Nina needs “someone she cares about to mother and boss and keep her ... just move along now...

5. Nina needs a holiday... Yep! Thinking Chicago in July...

6. NINa NEEDS Idea Navigator Don't we all?

7. but I guess I'll find out if he's what Nina needs soon enough, "He"? ummmm no.

8. Nina needs to be improved. Oh really now?

9. Nina first needs help with other important developmental steps before she will be ready to learn to.... Learn to, learn to....WHAT? Damn it!

10. Nina needs Palmer's help but there is no time to explain the full situation... Just explain to me whether Palmer is male or female please? I will decide if I need help or not!

Ooooh!

My Patrice Pike CD's just got here! Now if I can just find someone to sloooooow dance with me....

Trash Day

Its become a ritual for me. I pick up not only the refuse of the week but pieces of myself that need to go. One week it was cutting up the credit cards belonging to the now deceased "Mrs." nina. One week it was a box of left over wedding invitations, a now rusty cake cutter and a guest book no one signed. One week a handful of valentines that I received from now defunct relationship. Each time I throw away an empty bottle of bourbon I swear it will be my last in a "long long time". I seem to throw one away every week though... I suppose "long long time" is subjective. I try to pile in my troubles too. Sometimes it helps. Sorrow, gone. Lonely, gone. Regret, gone. For awhile every Thursday I am lighter than air. But at the end of the day when I pull the can back inside I realize that I have a whole lot more stuff to put in there. And so I begin again. Catalogues from my housewife wardrobe days, anything labeled "Mrs", more sorrow, more lonely, more regret...

Its a long time until next Thursday.

Flaming June

I came to know this picture because a friend of mine wrote about her a year or so ago here...

http://www.blogantagonist.com/2006_01_01_archive.html

I am mesmerized by this beautiful woman. I want to fall into the folds of her dress, bury my face into her hair. I know her skin would smell of vanilla and taste of salt from the sweat that the afternoon sun drew to her surface. But I also want to be this woman. I want the peace and satisfaction inside of me which is obviously inside of her. Perhaps there is a part of her in all of us. Perhaps there is a part of us inside her.

Because Sari "as in Mary" did it!

40 of the MOST Spontaneous Questions Ever, BE HONEST (I don't lie... its too hard to remember the made up shit if i do)

1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
Pretending to be Melissa Etheridge and playing (exercising) air guitar.

2. Who will your next kiss be with?
My baby Em...tomorrow. Unless my son (17) comes home while I am still awake. Then him.

3. Do you kiss a lot of people?
No. Just my children and gay guys that I hang with.

4. Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope!

5. When was the last time you went out of state?
January to Utah to visit my parents.

6. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
Ha ha.... its been awhile.

7. What was the last thing you had to drink?
whiskey and sprite

8. What are you wearing right now?
white t-shirt, jeans with holes in them and a white bra...no panties...I hate panties!

9. What was your last purchase?
I bought a book online. Nothing but the Girl

10. Last food you ate?
Left over stew

11. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My friend Annie.

12. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
no but I am lusting over some (so I was told) fugly sandals from Urban Outfitters.

13. Do you have a pet?
Do peeves count?

14. What's the last sporting event you watched?
I.Don't.Do.Sports.....

15. Are you a pirate?
Jesus GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!

16. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
In the arms of an amorous lover.

17. What is the last thing you purchased online?
See #9

18. One thing you hate about yourself?
I love too easyily.

19. What's your favorite soup?
Creamy tomato

20. Do you miss anyone?
Yes! Several very beautiful, funny and smart women.

21. Last play you saw?
One my son was in a couple years ago.

22. What are your plans for the day?
Its night now... I was going to go to the craft store and to buy some new sun glasses but I stayed here and drank whiskey instead.

24. Ever go to camp?
Nope.

25. Were you an honor roll student in school?
Until my life fell apart... yes...

26. What do you know about the future?
I am going to a lecture tomorrow. Its called "Is Art Gay?" I have a suspicion that its really a rhetorical question though.

27. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Venezia.

28. How is one to classify?
I don't even know what this means!

29. Do you have a tan?
Not right now... this is I-D-A-H-O in W-I-N-T-E-R for godsake!

30. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
20 years too late for this question!

31. Last person who made you cry?
I don't want to talk about it...

2. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
No. But I was entertaining the idea of getting my nose pierced. I can't do that until my son is 18 though... he would kill me if I did either and still said NO to him.

32. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
ummm, yeah?

33. How do you like your soda?
room temp really.

34. Do you like hot sauce?
sometimes I do.

35. Next time you'll take a shower?
tomorrow.

37. What is your mood?
Lonely but content at the moment.

38. Are you someone’s best friend?
Yes!

39. What did you want for Valentine's Day?
I had it. A beautiful woman sending me candy everyday... god it was wonderful.

40. What are you doing right now?
I am finishing this list, thinking about beautiful women and going to make myself one more drink.

To see Sari's answers go to her blog Wee Silly Fox on my blogroll...

Twitterpation

Uh oh! It was 61 degrees here yesterday... today its supposed to be 62 and tomorrow promises degrees above that... Spring, perhaps premature, is flowing into our veins everywhere I look!

Last night my son came out to the front room where I was sitting and said, "I must really like that girl...I am in my room writing poetry about her..." now this comes from a boy who has never admitted he even LIKED girls until "Brianna" came along.... oye vey...

Then this morning as my baby (5) is hanging up her coat at pre-school, a little blonde haired blue eyed boy walks up to her and says, "Oh Emma, you look beautiful today!" this was said with more passion than some men I have dated... OYE VEY!!!! She didn't hear him (thank little baby jesus) and came running to me for one last kiss goodbye. This little girl with a bambi t-shirt and flowered capri's... "beautiful" in the eyes of someone other than me. Lordy.

As I walked back to my car, I felt the sun sink into places it hasn't touched in months... It first touch my face as a lover might before a first kiss. It then awoke in me the slumbering woman who disappeared at winter's first chill. I was suddenly aware of my body's fluid motion as I walked. My shoulders stood up taller and my waist appeared underneath my t-shirt. As I opened the car door I saw my reflection. "Well, helloooo waist" I smirked with a sinister grin. I was alive in the moment and it felt fantastic.

'Tis the season of twitterpation my friends... spring is nigh! Can you feel it?

pt 2.....to the heart of the matter....

It appears as if my parents "know" about me. I come to this conclusion because my exhusband told me that the last time he was with my step mom she ask him if he was going to be okay and then went on to add, "There is something wrong with her, having that many girlfriends isn't normal." I am unsure as to whether I should just be relieved or if I should be waiting for the confrontation. I didn't really expect anything different. I mean she is the one that thinks that all Ellen needs to do is wear a dress for god sake. Chances are they will never bring it up. I am good with that.

I have decided to quit online dating. I don't come to this conclusion easily. Living where I do I feel as if I am dooming myself to a heap of lonely. I know there are lesbians here but I have no idea where they are. I just can't get close to another woman again without the benefit of body language and eye contact. I can't allow myself to get passionate over someone whom I can't touch. I just can't bring myself to do it again. I am tired and fragile. I swear there are days I think I might die from sexual desire and frustration ie "skin hunger". At least this way my longing will no longer have a name and a face attached to it. And I eliminate rejection altogether. Perhaps it will be easier to deal with? I dunno. From a distance it seems that I haven't gone very far from my decades of "masterbation over sex with spouse" as I lay alone in my bed. But I have, I know I have. But at the end of the day, I am still alone in my bed.

I want to thank all of you for your kind words via comments, email and other ways. I appreciate knowing that what I feel isn't abnormal for where I am in my life.

In closing I just wanted to say that Urban Outfitters just came into town... I have a serious desire for these:
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=28109&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=121&iSubCat=127&iProductID=28109

dear sweet baby jesus...they are leather....

Ramblings From My Journey Down the Rabbit Hole.... pt 1

During my time off I drank some really good imported Italian wine. I had a few bottles hangin around and I thought... I can drink that! So I did. It was good but would have been better with company.

In keeping with my drama dyke persona, after drinking ALOT of imported Italian wine I cried my heart out for hours listening to heartbreak songs... until I saw this from Youtube.... then I thought.... "damn wish I were a pirate!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo-tTbC8ax0

Okay so I am a easily distracted drama dyke...



My friend Annie's son was in a vehicle rollover and suffered a compression fracture on the 8th vertibrae. He was life flighted from Oregon to Boise. It was scary for a while. He is walking with a brace. In massive pain but walking. He wasn't wearing his seat belt...nuff said.

I did some adventurous web surfing. I found a couple places that turned my head. Dating and communities etc. I spent about a day and a half reading stuff from butch-femme.com and learned more about lesbian sex than I had ever known. Some of it was titillating... some of it scared me! Let's just say I am not as adventurous in bed as some people are. I am a no frills kind of lesbian I guess.


I watched the stock market tank while Sheperd Smith ran around screaming "the sky is falling!"

I re-hooked up with the only lesbian couple I know (that means...yes folks there are at least 3 lesbians in boise) and I am invited over every sunday night for the L Word...and I am going. Talk about the proverbial life line...

I suffered through the worst bout of insomnia ever. Mind you this is with two different prescription sleep aids on board. So I decided I would seize the opportunity to stop taking prescription sleep aids... During the time I wasn't sleeping I also wasn't eating or drinking much (except for the imported Italian wine). I lost 10 pounds and my caffeine addiction.

The funniest thing I heard from my baby while I was gone was this:
me: "What did you have for snack today at preschool?"
em: "I had Dora the Explorer gummie snacks"
me: "What flavor were they?"
em: "Well they didn't taste like Dora... more like strawberry I think"

hmmmmm.


Hep and I moved to a deeper level of intimacy. We now share a pair of pink triangle earrings.




It has come to my attention that I have big boobs... too big for dresses made by Anthropologie anyway. I was so excited to find this dress that had been $500 mark down to below $100. I thought it looked cute! So when I got it last week and put it on well.... ummm oh I don't know see for yourself



There is no freakin way I am going out anywhere with that much of the girls hangin' out...besides that I look like a frickin tree topper or something. Dresses used to be second nature to me but over the last year its getting harder and harder to find ones that I feel comfortable in.

What the hell is THAT???


Click here to watch 'what-the-97'







This is my dirty little secret. I am in charge of a flat stanley exercise that has been going on for years now. For those of you who do not know about Toastman you might think I have lost my mind. Maybe I have.

Toastman started in a message board community far away where I tried to bring the community together after some online drama crap threatened to tear the community asunder. The idea is to take Toastman with you somewhere and take pictures of you and TM then send him on to the next willing participant. It worked for a while but then one sad day Toastman was held hostage. RIP Toastman. Not to be discouraged I bought another Toastman... he then went on a cruise and to China... unfortunately for Toastman I became a lesbian during his trip and I fell away from the people who were cavorting with him. RIP Toastman 2. So during my hiatus I bought Toastman 3... There always seems to be a group of people interested in continuing on the tradition of Toastman. And so he is now winging his way to my house and then off to England for new adventures. Rumor has it that he may be going to Poland this year...

You can read about his travels here:

http://travelswithtoastman.blogspot.com/

If you are nuts like the people on my list and you want to join in the "fun" email me ctf.nina@gmail.com Otherwise, just remember that I *did* just have a nervous breakdown and move along to something else not so weird.

neener