Higher Education

See when I was young I was always asked "What are you going to be when you grow up?" And like all children I mused. Not knowing what my life held for me and looked toward the future mysteriously and anticipatory. No one ever really explained to me that I would actually have to CHOOSE and WORK to become something. It was until much later that I realized this. Yes I admit, I am a slow study.

So here I am on the brink of divorce. I am 44 and have just begun trying to decide what it is that I want to be when I grow up. I need to do this all online because I have small babies at home. I finally came to rest on the Masters of Library Sciences steps. Realizing I need a map. There are no bachelors degrees I can find of LS. Just MSL programs. So now I need to figure out what bachelors degree will be accepted into an MSL program while providing me with an income during the time I am earning it. I am overwhelmed and approaching panic. It doesn't help with a stbxh asking everyday if I have made a decision. I can't even imagine starting a program of any kind during this time of upheaval. I am already worried that I have forgotten how to learn anything that isn't at a second grade level. The internet has ruined my punctuation and capitalization skills and I am certainly no spring chicken.

Where is Self Esteem Man when I need him? Flying in with a cape and proclaiming my invincibility to self doubt and panic. Am I strong enough to face this future I am heading for? Can I be a grown up? The kind of parent my children will look up to and inspire? (after of course they go through the hating me for all that I am not stage) I wonder, will I ever like ME?