Pass/Fail

I said I'd never do it. Not me. What did I care if a total stranger knew. After all, I'm loud, I'm proud, I'm super lesbian....right? No wonder my therapist and several close friends would just smile at me when I would proclaim my devotion to the truth.

On a flight recently to Boston, on the first leg of my trip, a big burly guy, tattoos and a good ole boy accent as thick as West Nile in Idaho, struck up a conversation with me. His open body language and eye contact were making my spidy senses freak. We spoke of divorces, ex's, kids, traveling. He asked why I was going to Boston...

"Meeting a friend." I said.
He asked, "Is he an old friend from school?"
"Yes he is." I said.
He teases and probes, "Rekindling an old romance with him maybe?"
I just giggled shyly and appropriately.
He gathers his nerve, "Well he is a lucky man!"
I slowly tucked my hand underneath my leg silently hiding my pride pinkie ring from view.

He went on to try to "guess" when my graduating class was. 10 years off in my favor of course he was workin it pretty hard. I finally had an opportunity to tell the truth and confessed my 1980 graduation. It held no redemption for me though.

I denied myself 3 times.

When I share this with my therapist and friends they won't say "I told you so." because they were all very careful not to do so. Being gay is a personal journey. One no one can fully prepare you for. They will say, "I understand." "I've done that too." They will also check to make sure I don't try to nail myself to the cross I continuously carry with me for times such as these.

Hi, my name is Nina and I passed today...