Scattered Pieces of Me

I started blogging in November 2005. I found it such a fun way to keep in touch with family and friends. I look back over the early days and it is full of the trappings of my white picket fence existence. I have spent so much time trying to make my life look perfect and I think my blog was an unknowing coconspirator. If it *looked* perfect and *sounded* perfect, it must therefore be perfect.

I became increasingly cut off from my inner life and the Currier and Ives life I was piecing together. I longed to talk about the woman I had discovered. The fear and confusion. But knowing that I had a husband and family reading my blog kept me silent and bound. I have noticed as time wore on though little pieces of me would pop out unexpectedly. Some people can't see it to this day but most people have read through it and said later "you were so gay!". My husband saw it. He even quoted a poem I had written a few weeks before the day I finally came out to him. I tried to fool everyone, most likely fooling no one.

Closer to Fine was born from the need to stand in the sunshine. Some of you knew me "back in the day". Some of you had just began to know me before I morphed. I want to thank all of you who followed me from place to place until I found my home. Some of you only know me as Nina and have asked me who I was before. So I am putting the link to my white picket fence blog here and will link it below. One day, I hope I can reverse the act and link this blog on my old one. Not everyone in my family knows yet that I am gay. I still jump in and out of the closet. So until I resolve that issue its just going to have to stay one sided.

screamingmommytoy.blogspot.com

just me only with less sensible shoes...

love,
nina