Build a Butch

My ex and I took the girls to Build-a-Bear tonight. For the first time I found myself really wanting to build a bear....go figure. I was watching the comfort my kids got out of searching for and finding the perfect bear. I realized I was in need of comfort too. My ex could see I was ruminating... he leaned over and asked if I wanted a bear too. He didn't have to ask me twice.

I fell under the spell of creation. I got to hold down the fluff pedal... I watched as my bear got plump and happy. The official Fluff Stuffer asked me if I wanted a sound for the bear but I knew her already. "No she's the strong silent type." , I said. Although now that I think of it maybe I should have custom made a sound that said "Damn hot shoes honey!" eh, hind sight...

Then I got to pick out a heart. Hundreds of them in a bin. My hand sunk in. It was so deep my hand disappeared. I delighted at the way the cloth hearts tumbled through my fingertips and fretted over which one my fingers would choose. Would it be the right one? How will I ever know? I briefly found a metaphor.

The OFS asked me to hold the heart over my own and make a wish. Then to kiss each side of it and as I did the wish simultaneously fell deep inside me and imprinted itself onto the solid red cloth heart. I pushed its little heart deep into the fluff wishing privately that touching a heart was just as easy in real life.

Then I did the only thing I could do. I built myself a butch.