tick, tick, tick...

Two weeks ago I became a disposable mother to my two beautiful little girls. Disposable to both their father and his new wife, a mother herself. A man who just one year ago kissed me and told me that he would always love me and that I was his best friend. This man was the one I trusted to always work together to co parent our little ones to the benefit of us all.

How do people come to a place in their hearts and lives to feel its okay to devalue others? How can a mother dare or dream of usurping another mother's place in loving and raising another woman's children, being a mother herself?

I get 48 hours now, twice a month. For now, but I will fight to get back the schedule we had just two weeks ago and several years before. Though the courts grind slowly. tick, tick, tick...

My girls are happily sleeping in the library right now. Its their favorite place to sleep here. In just the two weeks I haven't been with them my oldest doesn't now know if she wants to take drum lessons, and my youngest has become rude and defiant at the oddest times. She is not allowed to act like that here.

tick, tick, tick, in 48hrs they go back to their "real" lives. And I go back to being an axillary, again.

If it weren't for the fact that my heart has been pulled to pieces over so much more than this situation, you would be able to hear my heart crashing to pieces on the floor.

tick, tick, tick...