Dear Lisa...

3 years ago, I found myself unable to mother my daughter. I was scared for her safety. I knew my life was about to change from a two parent household to just me. I knew that if my husband and I hadn't been able to catch and address her drug and alcohol abuse which was going on right under our noses, I certainly wouldn't be able to do it alone. I was heading into a world of absolute chaos, falling into a deep depression and really didn't know where to turn.

I asked your husband, her father, if he would take her and keep her safe. Of course, he said yes without hesitation. I do wonder now if he ever asked you? If you ever had the opportunity to hesitate. You had just gone into remission and everyone was hopeful that you were going to beat the odds of the cancer that, through no fault of your own, had invaded your lung. Through the years, you have mothered her, taken good care of her and your own two children, and gone in and out of remission. Each time, victorious. But it must have been so hard on you to try to help my daughter, who certain falls into the "troubled teen" category while raising your own children and fighting for your life.

I received a very desperate call from my daughter yesterday afternoon. You are in the hospital, on a ventilator and will most likely never go back to your home. They feel your pain would be better treated in the hospital. My daughter, your daughter, our daughter is in so much emotional pain. She is frightened that you are angry with her for all the trouble she has caused you through the years. She is afraid to say goodbye to you. I hope you don't mind that I spoke for you; I told her that mothers, which you certainly are hers, always love their children. Its the foundation of motherhood. No matter what is built onto that foundation of love, the love is always there. That you forgive her for all the difficulties she has caused with her drug abuse and the normal teenage crap that comes in the natural course of things.

But I need to ask for your forgiveness. I don't know that you ever agreed to take on such a task. But you took it on and did an outstanding job. I am sorry if it made your personal struggles with your health harder to deal with. I apologize if you struggled with anger toward me, I am sure sometimes you felt as if I dumped my responsibility for my daughter into your lap and walked away with total disregard to your health. I am sorry if having to try to help our daughter through her struggles put undue stress on your marriage. I know one thing is true, your husband loves you with every fiber of his being and he, I am sure, is watching the love of his life die before his eyes. I never once, that I recall, thanked you for saving my daughter. I apologize for not taking the time to do so.

You made a difference in her life. I know she feels as if she is losing a mother for the second time in her life. She loves you. Thank you for the life you gave her that I couldn't.

God Bless, God Speed, God's love surround you and your family.

nina

first diagnosis